Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize