You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
