So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How does one acquire holy water?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
