Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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