It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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