she woke up with a sticky ear
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
