Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
