I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
