I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
