I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
