That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
