just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
