Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
