You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
