If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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