got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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