reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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