I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
