I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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