i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
