mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
