even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
