I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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