I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
