Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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