Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I understand Curling. That high.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
