do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
