nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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