Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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