You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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