does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
