By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
