i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
