I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
