she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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