So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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