I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
