My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
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Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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