remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
