i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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