my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
