Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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