I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
