You're my little dorito
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
did i just pee glitter
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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