I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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