I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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