Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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