I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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