apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize