After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Your tits are I can't wait for
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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