remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
