I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
