Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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