Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
