So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
