I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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