Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
jump out the window naked night went bad
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