Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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